Happy New Year with Mindfulness

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Happy New Year with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.”  ~G.K. Chesterton

 

At the stroke of midnight on December 31st all over the world revelers ring in the new calendar year with a hearty celebration. It’s a celebration of a relatively arbitrary day that has been designated as the first day of a new calendar year. The celebration of the solstice, 10 days before, at least has astrological meaning as the shortest day of the year. But, January 1 has no such physical meaning. January 1 was designated as the start of the year by Julius Caesar in 45 BC. That date was chosen to honor the Roman God Janus, the god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future. That symbolism has stuck as the new year’s celebration involves a reflection about the year past and hope for the year to come.

 

Don’t Look Back

 

To some extent this looking back into the past and forward into the future is the antithesis of mindfulness which emphasizes the present moment. Our recollection of the past is, in fact, an illusion. When we look at the past we view it with the distorted lens of memory and the delusions that we have about the self. The memories of what happened during the last year bare only a fleeting resemblance to what actually happened. Recollections tend to be dominated by hazy and distorted memories of emotionally charged events and neglects everyday times of calm and contentment. When we look back we primarily remember the highs and the lows and believe that if we could simply keep repeating the highs and eliminate the lows then we’d be truly happy. This is the trap sometimes known as the hedonic treadmill. We keep seeking the highs and are unhappy when we can’t reproduce them or if we are successful are unhappy to find that we can’t maintain them. Unfortunately, our New Year’s celebration and our resolutions reinforce and amplify these ideas propelling us to even greater unhappiness in the new year.

 

Our view of the past is additionally distorted by the beliefs that we have about ourselves. These self-concepts are mainly incorrect and terribly distorted. Western culture, by its adoration of extraordinary and unrealistic models of perfection, produces and reinforces rampant self-dislike. We can never really attain the societal norm of perfection and this makes us feel horribly deficient. As a result, most westerners don’t like what they are and want to be different. As a consequence, people look back on the events of the year and interpret them through the lens of self-dislike.

 

We remember primarily those events that conform to our beliefs about what we should be, but cannot achieve. This creates a vicious cycle where the low self-esteem and self-worth causes us to remember events that exemplify this self-concept, creating even greater self-dislike. Those rare events that reveal us to be adequate are quickly forgotten. The events of the past year, then, are perceived as evidence to support our harsh view of ourselves. Rather than accurately remembering what actually happened during the year, our recollections are dominated by this distorted reality. So, don’t look back at the past year, rather look carefully and mindfully at yourself. You need to develop self-acceptance, before you can ever hope to have an honest idea of what the past contained.

 

Don’t Look to the Future

 

These distortions also color our thoughts about the upcoming year. We resolve to change ourselves to better conform to our unrealistic beliefs about what we should be. The New year’s resolutions that are such a common part of our new year’s celebration are a direct outgrowth of our self-dislike. The problem with these new year’s resolutions is that they are a declaration that we’re not happy with ourselves or the way things are. We want to be different. That’s not bad unto itself. Striving to better oneself is a good thing. The problem is that what we desire for ourselves is usually totally unrealistic as it’s based on a distorted reality. But, we strongly believe that this is what we need to be happy. It’s all a delusion that’s doomed to failure. In fact, research has suggested that only 8% of these resolutions are ever achieved.

 

Better New Year’s Resolutions

 

We need to craft a new set of resolutions, based upon self-acceptance, and a realistic view about what needs to be and can be achieved. The resolutions should be to better see things, including ourselves as they really are. To look at the world and ourselves mindfully without judgment, just as we are. These are the kinds of resolutions that can really work towards, not making us happy, but letting us be happy in the coming year; to simply experience the happiness that has been within us all along.

 

There are some rules of thumb about these resolutions. Don’t be too grandiose. Don’t set goals of perfection. Small steps with a recognition that you won’t always be successful are recommended. Make a resolution to practice mindfulness. Pick a practice that you not only can do, but that you can comfortably sustain. The only one perfect right practice is the one that you’ll do and keep doing. It may be meditation, yoga, body scan, tai chi or qigong, contemplative prayer, or another of the many available practices or some combination of practices. The only thing that matters is that you’re drawn to it, comfortable doing it, and you’ll stick with it. Once you start, don’t try too hard. Remember the Buddha recommended the middle way, with right effort, not too much and not too little. Practice nonjudgmentally. Don’t judge whether you’re doing it right or wrong, whether the particular practice was good or bad, or whether you’re making progress or not. Just practice. Just relax and let the practice do you. You don’t need to do it.

 

Focus on Now

 

All of these various practices promote nonjudgmental attention to what is occurring in the present moment, the now. Slowly you come to realize that the now is the only time available where you can be satisfied and happy. The past are only nows that are gone and the future are only nows that have yet to happen. So, focus on the present moment. It’s where life happens. If you can learn to be happy right now, then you’ll be able to happy in the future when it becomes now. As you look calmly, nonjudgmentally, and deeply at what is happening right now you begin to see the beauty and wonder that is there all of the time. You just need to stop ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Learn to enjoy the moment.

 

Focusing on the present moment the impermanence of all things becomes evident. In the present we can observe things rising up and then falling away. Change is constant. If things are bad at the moment, you can be sure that it’ll change. So, be patient. On the other hand, if things are good, know also that this will change too. Don’t try to hang onto what is present. Learn to enjoy the moment as it is. These observations reveal that every moment is new. It has never happened before and it will never happen again. Every moment is a new opportunity. Don’t worry about it passing. The next moment will again provide a new opportunity. Make the most of it. If you can learn to do this, you’ll enjoy life to its fullest, as the dynamically changing perpetual now.

 

Renewal

 

In the new year, we need to not think about a “happy new year.” Rather think about a “happy new day.” In fact, it’s best to think about each “happy new moment.” Focus on the present moment and wish yourself and everyone else a “happy new moment.” Every moment is a unique opportunity to experience life as it is, appreciate its wonder, and enjoy it while it’s here, in the present moment. Each moment is an opportunity for renewal. If we’re not happy in the moment, we can be in the next. We have a new opportunity every new moment. If we pay attention to them, we can use the opportunity to create happiness.

 

So, have a “happy new moment” with mindfulness.

 

“Empty your glass and feel your way through this New Year. If it feeds your soul, do it. If it makes you want to get out of bed in the morning with a smile, carry on. Be present and let your energy synchronise with the earth and give you the clarity to move forward and be comfortable and contented with who you are. Let your intuition guide you through a wonderful year and attract an abundance of positive opportunity.” – Alfred James

 

“Many of us are thinking about new year’s resolutions and taking stock at this time, but how many of those typical resolutions are just ‘self’ improvement projects (which means we’re trying to get more, be more or have more) rather than ways to actually embrace the life we already have right here and now?” – Mrs. Mindfulness

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

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Positive Mindfulness

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Positive Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“It is possible to live happily in the here and the now. So many conditions of happiness are available – more than enough for you to be happy right now. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.” –  Thich Nhat Hanh
Much of the tone of Buddhist teachings was established with the Four Noble Truths; there is suffering, there are causes of suffering, suffering can be relieved, and there is a path to the end of suffering. This focuses us on suffering, the negative side of existence. Without a doubt, these Four Noble Truths are correct and following them is a means to end suffering, become happy, and become enlightened. But, the negative tone has permeated much of the practice. The focus on the unpleasant has made the practice seem to be a chore, a necessary chore, but, nevertheless a chore. The unpleasantness prompts escape into mind wandering.

 

But, this tone can be completely altered without altering the truth of the teachings. The Four Noble Truths can be simply restated in the positive; there is happiness, there are causes of happiness, happiness can be increased, and there is a path to endless happiness. This simple rejiggering of the teaching makes a tremendous difference. It focuses the practice on happiness, making it a pleasant endeavor that can be enjoyed, relished, pleasurable, and looked forward to. It changes the practice from a chore to a joyful endeavor.

 

The science of Psychology has long established that all creatures, and especially humans, respond best to the positive. Negatives produce distaste and avoidance behaviors. On the other hand, if someone receives a positive reward for doing something they are not only more likely to do it again, but they will also feel good about it. So, changing the Four Noble Truths into the positive, can make practice not only an enjoyable experience, but more likely to occur.

 

This does not suggest that we should pursue happiness as is done in the modern western world. In this paradigm, happiness is pursued by consumption and accomplishment. When we buy something new, say a designer watch, it makes us happy. But, this happiness, like everything is impermanent, it fades and the watch no longer makes us happy. So, now we pursue something else, perhaps a new car. After working hard and saving, we go out a buy a brand new luxury car. This brings us happiness. But, just like the happiness from buying the watch, it fades and eventually the car no longer makes us happy. In fact, the monthly payments may make it a source of suffering.

 

In the modern world happiness is also pursued by accomplishment. We go through a prolonged education to acquire a degree. Upon graduation, we feel very happy, but this too fades. So we think that when we get a good job, then we’ll be happy, and indeed when we obtain it we do feel very good and happy for a while, but unfortunately, that too fades. So, we look for a promotion or a new job to make us happy, and again it does but only temporarily. This whole cycle is termed by Psychologists as the “hedonic treadmill.” We keep pursuing things because they temporarily make us happy but each happiness is impermanent and we get back on the treadmill looking for the next thing that will make us happy, on and on and on. Instead of happiness it brings disappointment and suffering.

 

Perhaps there’s a better way, and that is pursuing happiness in our practice. We look carefully and mindfully at what actually produces more lasting happiness. This can begin very simply. When you feel happy, even for a brief moment, simply look at it carefully and reflect on exactly how you feel, what are the sensations you experience in your body. This practice can make you more sensitive to happiness and more aware when happiness actually arises. Also, reflect on what led up to this happiness. This can help to make it clearer what the roots of happiness are to you and perhaps how to produce it in the future.

 

This simple practice of meditating on the state and causes of your happiness will slowly begin to expand the frequency, duration, and depth of the happiness you experience. This can begin to interrupt and push suffering away. There’s a process in psychological practice called counter conditioning. In this process, you eliminate an unwanted state or behavior, not by stopping it, but by replacing it with a positive state or behavior. This is very effective. So, as you expand happiness you are in fact counter conditioning suffering and replacing it with happiness. This suggests that there’s no need to focus on the elimination of suffering. In fact, trying to eliminate it often amplifies it or becomes itself a suffering. In contrast, focusing on happiness, eliminates it in a joyful way, overwhelming the gloom with sunshine.

 

During mindfulness practice it’s good to keep in mind Thich Nhat Hahn’s instruction to start by putting a smile on your face. Even if it’s a bit forced, it still somehow makes you feel happier. It’s also a reminder to look for good feelings and happiness during the practice. I like to focus while meditating on what and where something feels good on my body, maybe a subtle tingling sensation in a foot or an obvious cool breeze striking the face. I meditate on how beautiful it is to just be alive and sitting quietly. I listen closely to the symphony of sounds, some even internally in my head, and wonder at the miracle of hearing and the beauty of the sounds themselves. In hearing you own internal voice you can laugh at its inane content, bring joy rather than frustration at not being able to quiet the voice. What actually is looked at doesn’t matter so much but that the habit be built of seeing the goodness, the aliveness, the joy, and the happiness that is right there, all the time while doing something as simple and mundane as meditating.

 

This may seem contrary to the instruction of focused meditation to pay attention to only one thing and become single pointed. But, you’ll find that when you focus on the good, it becomes easier to concentrate and you become better at single pointedness. It is transformed from a frustrating chore to a source of joy. This not only enhances meditation but also makes it more likely that you’ll meditate in the future and look forward to it. Positive practice might also seem contrary to the instruction of open monitoring meditation let go of trying to control experience but to allow everything to just arise and fall away on its own, while just noticing. Looking for the positive may seem to be controlling. But, as it turns out, positive practice leads to better open monitoring as you learn to experience the joy and happiness in what is spontaneously occurring around you. It becomes easier to continue observing and lessens the mind wandering.

 

Meditation is only a platform to practice skills to apply to everyday life. Happiness can be found while doing everyday things. I like to look for good feelings and happiness no matter where I am, what I’m doing, or the conditions around me. I sometimes swim laps in a pool. This can be excruciatingly boring. But, I focus on how good my body feels in the water, the exquisite feelings of the internal sensations of energy in each part of my body, and the miracle of body in motion and the automatic unconscious movements controlling it. This changes what could be experienced as a chore to a joyous, mindful, and pleasurable experience.

 

You can do something similar almost anywhere, perhaps driving a car. Looking at traffic and noticing how well people work together to produce a safe environment, or accommodate someone who is driving not so safely, can produces a loving smile. When stopped at a traffic light, looking around and at the sky, looking for and finding the beauty and wonder all around can transform impatience to happiness. While driving remembering and seeing the joy experienced when you first got behind the wheel and drove as a teenager. Again, what exactly you do is unimportant. Rather the practice is to see the happiness everywhere around you all of the time.

 

We need to accept that this will be an ongoing process. As Thich Nhat Hahn reflected “When I was a young monk, I wondered why the Buddha kept practicing mindfulness and meditation even after he had already become a buddha. Now I find the answer is plain enough to see. Happiness is impermanent, like everything else. In order for happiness to be extended and renewed, you have to learn how to feed your happiness. Nothing can survive without food, including happiness; your happiness can die if you don’t know how to nourish it.” This makes it clear that we should continually renew and reinforce the state of happiness.

 

Happiness is self-reinforcing. The more you find it the more it promotes more happiness. It slowly builds upon itself, generalizing to other similar activities and circumstances producing an upward spiral of good feelings. You’ll find that slowly happiness begins to fill more and more of your day displacing more and more of the suffering. This is an automatic byproduct of positive practice which can completely change your view and experience of existence. Life become transformed from constant suffering to constant happiness. Try it. You’ll like it.

 

“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are a also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts