Holidays

Merry Mindful Christmas

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3 Meditations to Get You in the Holiday Spirit

Merry Mindful Christmas

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“Christmas is not a time or season,
but a state of mind.
To cherish peace and goodwill,
to be plenteous in mercy,
is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”

– Calvin Coolidge

 

Christmas is a Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus. In fact, though, there is no historical records of the exact date of Jesus’ birth. December 25 was selected simply because it coincided with the very popular pagan celebrations of the Winter Solstice, allowing the Christians to coopt the celebration that they were unable to stop. Regardless of this history though Christmas has become a major celebration worldwide.

 

The Christian religions teach that this celebrates the birth of the savior, who came to earth to redeem us and save us from suffering. This event did not occur in a past. It occurred in the eternal present moment. We can also give birth to a savior. We can allow a personal mindfulness, a present moment awareness, to be born. If we do it can similarly be a savior. It can save us from much suffering. The suffering that we impose on ourselves.

 

The present moment contains only what is. Regrets and problems of the past don’t exist. Worries about the future don’t exist. If we accept it as it is and don’t constantly try to change it, it can bring us a relief of our worries and our woes. It can let us see the wonders of life and the happiness that is always present right here and right now. This surely would be a miraculous birth.

 

In our modern world Christmas has been commercialized and presents have become the focus. But as nice as it is to give and receive presents the joy is short-lived and can be followed almost immediately with disappointment and depression. In fact, this is the time of year when depression is rampant and the highest suicide rates of the year occurs.

 

The celebration would be much better if presence was the focus. The great sage Thich Nhat Hahn has said that the greatest gift that you can give another person is your presence. It is also true that the greatest gift that you can get is the presence of others. We’re not talking of simply being physically present, but being totally and deeply engaged with others; seeing, hearing, and interacting with them with full attention and caring. This produces a joy that lasts and warms from the inside. Indeed, the good feeling produced can last a lifetime.

 

In giving them our presence, we deeply observe and listen to them. We see all their non-verbal signals and attune our attention on what they are telling us. Without doing anything else this produces a very positive experience. How many times have we heard people tell us that they don’t feel noticed, that they don’t feel heard, and that they are not appreciated. Our presence is an antidote. We can satisfy these deep and often ignored deep needs. We can do this simply just by being there for them.

 

We may do this with the idea that we’re giving to others. But it quickly becomes obvious that this deeply affects us. The warmth radiates affecting all. Seeing the happiness in those we care about is deeply satisfying and a source of great happiness. So, in being present for others we bring them happiness and this, in turn, brings us happiness. This can produce an upward spiral of good feelings.

 

Celebrating a Christmas mindfully can amplify the good feelings and joy of the occasion. It can save us from our own self-produced suffering. It can help alleviate the suffering of others. It can bond us to others and them to us. It can make this holiday truly special.

 

So, merry mindful Christmas.

 

“The way to a perfectly happy Christmas is to expect less and appreciate more!” – Marie Bloomfield

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

 

Mindful Independence Day

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Mindful Independence Day

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“If today is a celebration of freedom, I think we as a nation, as a people, have squandered an opportunity. We have sought outer freedoms and ignored inner freedoms. We have pursued these freedoms with scandal, exploitation, and domination. Today, instead, I urge you to consider inner freedom.” – Arnie Kozak

 

Virtually every country in the world sets aside one day each year to celebrate its independence. In the U.S. that day is July 4th. On this day the country’s citizens celebrate their freedom and independence and the fight that achieved it. It’s normally a pleasant holiday filled with patriotism, flags, parades, picnics, and fireworks displays. But this year amid the Covid-19 pandemic the celebration will likely be subdued.

 

Although the founding of the great American democracy is something to celebrate, a mindful look at it produces a recognition that there are significant limitations on independence and freedom. We are nowhere near as free and independent as we think we are and with Covid-19 we’re even less free.

 

Independence from what? It’s certainly not from the imposition of government on the individual. July 4th only celebrates the changeover from government by the British monarchy to government by a more local political system. It’s certainly not independence from the imposition of laws and restrictions on the individual’s freedom. Perhaps there was a change of a few laws and regulations, but actually only a small number. It’s certainly not even the production of self-determination. In fact, the U.S. democracy was crafted and established by a few elite individuals and not by each individual in the country. In addition, democracy is rule by the majority, with the will of a significant number of people ignored. What we appear to be celebrating is the replacement of one system of control with another, perhaps better, system of control, but nevertheless a system of control; hardly independence.

 

Mindful reflection quickly produces an understanding that we’re never really independent. It’s certainly not even complete independence from another country. To this day the U.S. and the U.K. are very much dependent upon one another for trade of goods, ideas, culture, and mutual security. They’re locked together by treaties, cultural similarities, and close economic ties. The current political system that we’re celebrating is itself a recognition of how dependent upon one another we are. The system functions to set down the rules by which our relationships with one another are conducted. It’s there to insure orderly cooperation supposedly for the benefit of all participants.

 

Mindful reflection reveals that we’re not only dependent upon each other but we’re also dependent upon our environment, animate and inanimate. We’re dependent upon the air we breathe that is in turn dependent upon all other living organisms. We’re dependent upon the water we drink that is in turn dependent on global weather systems and solar evaporative power. We’re dependent upon the food we eat that is in turn dependent upon air, water, soil, and sun, and the farmers who grow it. In fact, we are so dependent upon everything and everybody that it may be more appropriate to be celebrating Dependence Day.

 

Well maybe then on July 4th we’re celebrating freedom and liberty. But, is any individual truly free. As the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said “Man is born free: and everywhere else he is in chains. One thinks himself the master of others, and still remains a greater slave than they.” Regardless of the political independence each individual’s behavior is highly regulated by law and regulation. Our freedoms are actually very limited. They are bounded not only by law but also the practicalities of earning a living, maintaining a residence, having a family, and limitations on resources. Our freedom is also highly constrained by the laws of physics, chemistry, and biology. After all, we can’t fly, become taller, change our eye color, stay underwater for protracted periods, stay awake continuously, or withstand cold or heat outside of a fairly small range, and we’re not faster than a speeding bullet. How much freedom do we actually have in any particular day?

 

Independence Day, though, does celebrate acquiring many soft freedoms. The freedoms to think and express our opinions and ideas, to worship as we please, to vote for whoever we like, to associate with whomever we choose, to live wherever we like, etc. Although there are bounds to many of these freedoms by the requirements of public safety, economics, cultural norms, and the practicalities of existence, these are very important and significant freedoms. Perhaps that is what we’re really celebrating, these soft freedoms that were provided by our Constitution as a result of the War for Independence.

 

Regardless, Independence Day should be celebrated mindfully. It is often spent with family and friends and the pleasure of these interactions can be amplified by doing it mindfully; by being truly present for them and deeply listening to them rather than thinking about our next response. By being mindful we can see them with compassion and understanding. Being in, and focusing on, the present moment we can enjoy these interactions, we can enjoy the picnics and parades, we can enjoy the fireworks, rather than thinking about where we would rather be or where we’re going next. We can find happiness precisely where we are.

 

But are we truly free. A bit of mindful reflection reveals that we find existence very unsatisfactory. In fact, unsatisfactoriness is everywhere. We’re not satisfied with things as they are and want them to be different. We’re not satisfied with where we live and want to have a nicer home.  We’re not satisfied with our appearance and want to lose weight. We’re not satisfied with what people think of us and want to be universally liked. We’re not satisfied with how we’re treated by our spouses and want them to be more understanding. We’re not satisfied with our children and want them to be obedient, respectful, straight “A” students and star athletes. We’re not satisfied with our health and want to have fewer aches and pains. We’re not satisfied with our jobs and want to make more money, have more time off and be appreciated by our bosses and coworkers. Even on the very short-term, things are not satisfactory. We want the car ahead of us to be moving faster, we want time to pass quickly so that we can be done with work for the day, we want to stop ruminating about past indiscretions, we want to finish a meal quickly so we can get back to the TV, etc. In other words, we’re not free from our desires. In fact, we’re slaves to them. We’re not happy with the way things are. In fact, we seem to want everything to be different. So, we can’t be truly free as long as we’re slaves to our desires.

 

True freedom can only be produced when we are liberated from our incessant needs and wants. That is not to say that we shouldn’t have desires, but rather that we will not be controlled by them. True freedom comes from equanimity. It comes when we’re able to desire something, seek it out, but be OK whether we get it or not. It comes when we not only accept the way things are but enjoy each second for what it is, a precious moment in a limited lifetime. It comes when what other people do and say is seen as a reflection of them and not of us and comes when we look at them with compassion and understanding. In other words, we can want ourselves, things, people, and circumstances to be different but we accept them as they are and appreciate and enjoy life and each experience as a gift.

 

This sounds wonderful, but is it achievable? It sure doesn’t seem so as ourselves and the people we know haven’t achieved it. Is it possible to actually get to this state of complete freedom? It is, but it takes effort and discipline. There have been many instances throughout history and there are many exemplars present right now of people who have achieved complete equanimity. Jesus is a wonderful example. He worked hard and suffered to make his world a better place but in the end accepted what was. The Buddha, Christian mystics, Sufi masters, Zen masters, Gandhi, and a host of everyday people have all achieved true liberation. So, it is possible.

 

We do not, however, have to be aiming only at complete liberation. It is far better to work to simply improve on our current state and thereby become more and more liberated. We can do this by engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, contemplative prayer, etc. we can learn to focus more and more on the present moment. We can learn to appreciate what is. We can learn to enjoy every moment. Just by improving a little we can become happier and happier, more accepting, and more liberated from our desires. We can achieve greater equanimity and with it greater freedom. But, we get there slowly and incrementally, building toward our complete liberation. Now wouldn’t that be a reason to celebrate Independence Day.

“Happy 4th of July.  Celebrate your freedom mindfully- express love and gratitude for all situations, people, places and things you encounter today. This practice of loving what is, is a mindful behavior. When we celebrate our freedom as a country, we bring love to the abundance we are free to encounter today. Take each situation you encounter as an opportunity to express your love, gratitude  – any kindness will do – that is freedom!” –  Regina Huelsenbeck

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are  also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

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Happy Martin Luther King Day with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

 

The United State celebrates the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with a national holiday. This is unusual as Dr. King was not a president or a general or a founding father. What he was a leader who changed the country and the lives of countless people with love, forgiveness, morality, and non-violence. There are few leaders in modern world history who had a greater impact using  only the power of moral authority and non-violent leadership. Perhaps Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela qualify. I can think of no better reason to have a national holiday than to celebrate this remarkable life.

 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was no Pollyanna. He understood completely the dangers of confronting hate directly. In fact, he said “If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive.” What is remarkable about this statement is that he saw the struggle against hate not as a way to gain benefit for himself or his followers, but as a means to help the perpetrators of hate to become better people. He didn’t vilify, be saw the redemptive opportunity to change hearts and minds.

 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. confronted hate not with force, violence, or more hate, but with love and understanding. As he said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Like mindfulness, he promulgated loving kindness and compassion as means to change the individual and thereby change the society. “I have decided to stick to love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.” Hate feeds on hate and when it is confronted with love it has nothing to feed on and can starve the beast. When an angry and hateful person is confronted with non-violence and compassion it can negate it and have a remarkable transformative effect on the person, making it much harder to hate. This Dr. King understood.

 

With mindfulness we can, as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did, see each individual, regardless of whether their actions are good or bad, regardless of their race, faith, or national origin, and regardless of their sexual orientation as human beings deserving of love and understanding. Mindfulness reveals that humans in their essence are all alike. It is the lack of mindfulness that has led to varying beliefs and actions. It is mindlessness that fuels anger and hate.

 

With mindfulness we can fully experience and appreciate our own anger and hate and its effects upon our bodies and minds. We all experience these states during our lives. They can take over and result in hurtful behavior. But by being mindfully aware of how we feel in our bodies and the thoughts that arise when we become angry and hateful, we can better recognize these states when they first arise. This allows us to accept them as they are and respond to them in a more appropriate, constructive, and loving manner. This requires mindfulness practice with sensitivity and attention to the feelings in the present moment. But if it is practiced, then over time we become better and better at recognizing anger and hate and transforming them into insight and understanding.

 

One of the ways that mindfulness can transform anger and hate is by replacing it with peacefulness. Mindfulness practices teach how to find inner peace and equanimity. It shows us that peacefulness is always there and can be produced when needed. This inner peacefulness can be used as a refuge from emotional turmoil. We can learn to use this training to confront anger, fear, and hatred by recognizing when these states arise and using our ability to find inner peace to replace these feelings with calm and equanimity. This is not something that can be accomplished without practice. But it can be learned through mindfulness practices.

 

The more mindful we become the better and better able we become at recognizing when anger and hate are arising and responding by replacing them with peacefulness. An important process involved in this is what is called mindful non-reactivity. This allows us to respond to anger and hate with non-violence. With practice, the events of the present moment do not necessarily produce reflexive negative behaviors. The reflexes can be interrupted and prevented from emerging and producing harm. Hence, practicing mindfulness can help us to become like Dr. King practicing non-violence.

 

Within each of us are the seeds of racism. Some believe that evolution imbedded these seeds in the DNA. For many of us in the older generations we were trained in racism by the structure of society that promoted distance, a sense of other, strangeness and fear. Mindfulness can help each of us uproot the seeds of this racism. By becoming more aware of our inner life we become better able to recognize when racist thoughts and feeling begin to arise and not only not respond to them but to transform them into their opposites, feelings of acceptance, understanding, and love. Looking deeply into our inner life in the present moment is essential to overcoming our own racism.

 

The dream of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr for a just and loving society can be produced by mindfulness practices. What better way to honor this remarkable man than to practice mindfulness on his holiday and to make a commitment to continue this practice throughout the year and to become non-violent and tolerant and to confront anger and hate with loving kindness and compassion.

 

So, celebrate Martin Luther King day with Mindfulness.

 

“Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. I am not unmindful of the fact that violence often brings about momentary results. Nations have frequently won their independence in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, violence never brings permanent peace.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

 

“In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

 

Happy New Year with Mindfulness

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Happy New Year with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.”  ~G.K. Chesterton

 

At the stroke of midnight on December 31st all over the world revelers ring in the new calendar year with a hearty celebration. It’s a celebration of a relatively arbitrary day that has been designated as the first day of a new calendar year. The celebration of the solstice, 10 days before, at least has astrological meaning as the shortest day of the year. But, January 1 has no such physical meaning. January 1 was designated as the start of the year by Julius Caesar in 45 BC. That date was chosen to honor the Roman God Janus, the god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future. That symbolism has stuck as the new year’s celebration involves a reflection about the year past and hope for the year to come.

 

Don’t Look Back

 

To some extent this looking back into the past and forward into the future is the antithesis of mindfulness which emphasizes the present moment. Our recollection of the past is, in fact, an illusion. When we look at the past we view it with the distorted lens of memory and the delusions that we have about the self. The memories of what happened during the last year bare only a fleeting resemblance to what actually happened. Recollections tend to be dominated by hazy and distorted memories of emotionally charged events and neglects everyday times of calm and contentment. When we look back we primarily remember the highs and the lows and believe that if we could simply keep repeating the highs and eliminate the lows then we’d be truly happy. This is the trap sometimes known as the hedonic treadmill. We keep seeking the highs and are unhappy when we can’t reproduce them or if we are successful are unhappy to find that we can’t maintain them. Unfortunately, our New Year’s celebration and our resolutions reinforce and amplify these ideas propelling us to even greater unhappiness in the new year.

 

Our view of the past is additionally distorted by the beliefs that we have about ourselves. These self-concepts are mainly incorrect and terribly distorted. Western culture, by its adoration of extraordinary and unrealistic models of perfection, produces and reinforces rampant self-dislike. We can never really attain the societal norm of perfection and this makes us feel horribly deficient. As a result, most westerners don’t like what they are and want to be different. As a consequence, people look back on the events of the year and interpret them through the lens of self-dislike.

 

We remember primarily those events that conform to our beliefs about what we should be, but cannot achieve. This creates a vicious cycle where the low self-esteem and self-worth causes us to remember events that exemplify this self-concept, creating even greater self-dislike. Those rare events that reveal us to be adequate are quickly forgotten. The events of the past year, then, are perceived as evidence to support our harsh view of ourselves. Rather than accurately remembering what actually happened during the year, our recollections are dominated by this distorted reality. So, don’t look back at the past year, rather look carefully and mindfully at yourself. You need to develop self-acceptance, before you can ever hope to have an honest idea of what the past contained.

 

Don’t Look to the Future

 

These distortions also color our thoughts about the upcoming year. We resolve to change ourselves to better conform to our unrealistic beliefs about what we should be. The New year’s resolutions that are such a common part of our new year’s celebration are a direct outgrowth of our self-dislike. The problem with these new year’s resolutions is that they are a declaration that we’re not happy with ourselves or the way things are. We want to be different. That’s not bad unto itself. Striving to better oneself is a good thing. The problem is that what we desire for ourselves is usually totally unrealistic as it’s based on a distorted reality. But, we strongly believe that this is what we need to be happy. It’s all a delusion that’s doomed to failure. In fact, research has suggested that only 8% of these resolutions are ever achieved.

 

Better New Year’s Resolutions

 

We need to craft a new set of resolutions, based upon self-acceptance, and a realistic view about what needs to be and can be achieved. The resolutions should be to better see things, including ourselves as they really are. To look at the world and ourselves mindfully without judgment, just as we are. These are the kinds of resolutions that can really work towards, not making us happy, but letting us be happy in the coming year; to simply experience the happiness that has been within us all along.

 

There are some rules of thumb about these resolutions. Don’t be too grandiose. Don’t set goals of perfection. Small steps with a recognition that you won’t always be successful are recommended. Make a resolution to practice mindfulness. Pick a practice that you not only can do, but that you can comfortably sustain. The only one perfect right practice is the one that you’ll do and keep doing. It may be meditation, yoga, body scan, tai chi or qigong, contemplative prayer, or another of the many available practices or some combination of practices. The only thing that matters is that you’re drawn to it, comfortable doing it, and you’ll stick with it. Once you start, don’t try too hard. Remember the Buddha recommended the middle way, with right effort, not too much and not too little. Practice nonjudgmentally. Don’t judge whether you’re doing it right or wrong, whether the particular practice was good or bad, or whether you’re making progress or not. Just practice. Just relax and let the practice do you. You don’t need to do it.

 

Focus on Now

 

All of these various practices promote nonjudgmental attention to what is occurring in the present moment, the now. Slowly you come to realize that the now is the only time available where you can be satisfied and happy. The past are only nows that are gone and the future are only nows that have yet to happen. So, focus on the present moment. It’s where life happens. If you can learn to be happy right now, then you’ll be able to happy in the future when it becomes now. As you look calmly, nonjudgmentally, and deeply at what is happening right now you begin to see the beauty and wonder that is there all of the time. You just need to stop ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Learn to enjoy the moment.

 

Focusing on the present moment the impermanence of all things becomes evident. In the present we can observe things rising up and then falling away. Change is constant. If things are bad at the moment, you can be sure that it’ll change. So, be patient. On the other hand, if things are good, know also that this will change too. Don’t try to hang onto what is present. Learn to enjoy the moment as it is. These observations reveal that every moment is new. It has never happened before and it will never happen again. Every moment is a new opportunity. Don’t worry about it passing. The next moment will again provide a new opportunity. Make the most of it. If you can learn to do this, you’ll enjoy life to its fullest, as the dynamically changing perpetual now.

 

Renewal

 

In the new year, we need to not think about a “happy new year.” Rather think about a “happy new day.” In fact, it’s best to think about each “happy new moment.” Focus on the present moment and wish yourself and everyone else a “happy new moment.” Every moment is a unique opportunity to experience life as it is, appreciate its wonder, and enjoy it while it’s here, in the present moment. Each moment is an opportunity for renewal. If we’re not happy in the moment, we can be in the next. We have a new opportunity every new moment. If we pay attention to them, we can use the opportunity to create happiness.

 

So, have a “happy new moment” with mindfulness.

 

“Empty your glass and feel your way through this New Year. If it feeds your soul, do it. If it makes you want to get out of bed in the morning with a smile, carry on. Be present and let your energy synchronise with the earth and give you the clarity to move forward and be comfortable and contented with who you are. Let your intuition guide you through a wonderful year and attract an abundance of positive opportunity.” – Alfred James

 

“Many of us are thinking about new year’s resolutions and taking stock at this time, but how many of those typical resolutions are just ‘self’ improvement projects (which means we’re trying to get more, be more or have more) rather than ways to actually embrace the life we already have right here and now?” – Mrs. Mindfulness

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

Enhance Enjoyment of the (Winter Solstice) Holidays with Mindfulness

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Enhance Enjoyment of the (Winter Solstice) Holidays with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“Any picture-perfect image of the holidays we build up in our minds, filled with expectations of how life should be, rarely gets met for long..” – Mark Bertin

 

The end of December marks transitions. It marks the new year, transition from 2019 to 2020. It’s also the time of the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, transitioning from shortening days to lengthening days. Since the beginning of recorded history, the solstice has been a time of celebration and merriment. For most of that time it was an extremely popular pagan celebration.

 

The Christians tried to suppress this pagan winter solstice celebration, but it was exceedingly popular and they were unsuccessful. So, instead they coopted it, turning it into a celebration of Jesus’ birth. There are no records of the actual date of Jesus’ birth, so any day could be chosen, and the time of the pagan solstice celebration was perfect. There are still many remnants of that pagan celebration carried into the Christmas celebration, including the tree, wreaths, mistletoe, holly, and even the name yule, the yule log, and the use of the word “jolly”.

 

The winter solstice is a reminder of the impermanence of all things. For months, the world has been becoming darker and colder. But the winter solstice marks the reversal of this trend. For the next several months the world will be becoming brighter and warmer. It’s a reminder that even the darkest moments are impermanent. This is true for all of the problems that occur in our lives. These too will pass.

 

Regardless of the purported reason, the end of December is a time of celebration. We now look on it as a time for giving, but the gifts are a relatively new addition that has been enthusiastically promoted by merchants. Should we be jaundiced about the celebration because of it’s confusing history, its crass commercialism, and varied religious meanings or should we participate with enthusiasm? Mindfulness tells us not to judge, just to experience what life has to offer in the moment. The holiday season has much to offer us. So, mindfulness would suggest that we don’t judge or criticize but engage mindfully in whatever way is appropriate for us.

 

Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to our family and friends at any time but especially during the holidays is our presence, not just our physical presence but our mindful attentive presence. We give to them when we deeply listen. So many conversations are superficial. So, engaging deeply with others is a special gift. It involves employing an underused skill of true listening with full attention to another, not listening on the surface while composing the next communication, but just listening with mindfulness. We in effect give to them our most precious gift, our fully engaged selves.

 

We may be surprised by what we now hear that we may have been missing for years, and what reactions occur to our deep listening. Just know that you’re giving what most people need most, to feel listened to, respected, valued and cared about. Deep listening is particularly valuable when the holiday conversation turns to controversial subjects such as politics. These conversations can be a mine field that can poison a holiday event. But deeply listen to what is being said is often sufficient, as the conversant often just wants to be heard. Making the effort to deeply listen, understand the other person’s point of view, and responding with compassion can quickly diffuse the situation.

 

The holidays are a time to focus on children. Here, also, mindfulness can improve the experience. If we mindfully observe and truly listen, we can see that what children desire most is our attention and love. Presents of toys and gadgets are opened with enthusiasm and glee. But the joy is short-lived. As with most things the happiness produced is fleeting. But, if you engage with the child, playing and giving your full attention to him/her the happiness is much more enduring. Doing this mindfully, without expectations or judgment will bring a joy and happiness to you that will also be enduring. Don’t engage with the child for personal gain, but enjoy the gain when it happens.

 

The holidays are also a time of revelry, with abundant parties and celebrations at work, with friends, and with family. Once again, engaging mindfully can improve the experience and help prevent excess. Being mindful can help us keep alcohol intake under control. By being aware of our state in the present moment we are better able to know when we reached our limit and especially, to know when to refrain from driving. Mindful eating can also help us enjoy all of the wonderful foods presented during the holidays while being aware of our actual physical state. It can help us to eat slowly, savoring the exquisite flavors, without overindulging. Engage socially mindfully without judging and deeply listening and you’ll enjoy the interactions all the more.

 

Mindfulness can also help with holiday depression. Because of the high expectations of what the holidays should be like in contrast to the experienced reality, many people get depressed. It is the time of the highest suicide rates of the year. Mindfulness is known to combat depression in ourselves. But, for the holidays we could use our mindfulness skills, particularly listening, to help vulnerable people deal with the holidays. Our compassion and loving kindness can go a long way toward helping people overcome negative mood states. Just a genuine smile can sometimes be a great mood enhancer. Mindfully give of yourself, without expectation of getting anything back. You’ll be amazed at how much good it does for others and at the benefit you will receive.

 

Finally, the underlying theme of the winter solstice and the holidays is transformation and renewal. Just as the slow decent into the short days of winter ends the slow ascent to the long days of summer begins. We can use this time to begin to transform and renew ourselves. What better way to transform ourselves than practicing mindfulness, not just on a meditation mat or in a yoga studio, but in everyday existence. Practicing mindfulness at work, while driving, while exercising, in our relationships can truly transform our lives.

 

The idea of personal transformation is reflected in the tradition of the New year’s resolution. Although this is a common tradition, few resolutions are entered into with sufficient dedication and energy to actually carry them out. We should use this holiday season to reflect mindfully on our own lives, looking deeply at what will truly help us and our families to thrive physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually in the coming year. Then set realistic goals and concrete plans to fulfill them.

 

An excellent New Year’s resolution that can help to lead to a more fulfilling life is to simply make a commitment to be more mindful in the coming year. This should include a plan for engaging in regular practice and working to transfer mindfulness skills obtained outside of the practice. But, be realistic as to what can actually be accomplished, set small goals, and then develop a firm concrete plan to achieve them. It may be helpful to set periodic reminders in your smartphone of these plans. Pay special attention to what the effects are of engaging in the planned behaviors. It is important to recognize the progress that is being made and the positive impact that follows.

 

So, enhance the enjoyment of the (winter solstice) holidays with mindfulness.

 

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” – Neil Gaiman

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

Have a Mindful Thanksgiving

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Have a Mindful Thanksgiving

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

 “I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual.” – Henry David Thoreau

 

“The greatest gift one can give is thanksgiving. In giving gifts, we give what we can spare, but in giving thanks we give ourselves.”
Br. David Steindl-Rast

 

Thanksgiving is a time for gratefulness. Most people, most of the time, rue what they want and don’t have. So Thanksgiving is particularly important as a reminder of how lucky we are for all the blessings we have. It is a time to recognize that despite all our negative thoughts we have everything that we really need and probably much, much, more.

 

At this time of year the fall harvest is in and almost universally there is a celebration of the abundance provided. These crops will sustain us through the cold winter and till new crops can be planted, grow, mature, and are harvested. Hence, thanksgiving is very much a celebration of nature and all that it provides. In a modern world we lose track of all that is entailed in bringing us this food. When we are grateful for the food we need to recognize that we should be also be grateful for the seeds, the sun, the rain, the soil, the insects and birds that pollinate the crops, and even the worms and grubs that prepare the soil. Without any of these the food would not grow. In a sense, if we look carefully, we understand that our gratefulness is not just for the particular food item. It is in fact for the entire universe to which we and the food are intimately connected.

 

These interconnections extend into society and technology. The steel to build the plow, the engines that move the plow, the trains and trucks that transport the food, the farmers, drivers, and engineers, the fuel for the engine, the oil wells and refineries that produce the fuel, the engineers who designed and built the machinery and factories, the men and women who educated the scientists, engineers, and farmers. I’m sure by now that you’ve got the picture. A little reflection soon reveals the vast network of interconnections, even stretching back in time.

 

Thanksgiving is also a time to celebrate the people we are closest to, our friends and especially our family. They are our origin and our support through development. They are our connections to the past and future. They are the emotional fuel that sustains us. They give us hope and purpose. Yes, there is dysfunction. That goes with all forms of human interactions. But, should we lose any of them we will quickly realize how important they are to our flourishing and happiness.  Remember, that on the deathbed, one of the biggest regrets is not having spent more time with family and friends. Thanksgiving is a time to recognize these interconnections, to be grateful for these people and their importance to our existence.

 

Certainly one of the most taken for granted amazing blessings that we have is our own awareness. We’ve always been aware. We’ve never, not been aware. So, it is so easy for it to go unrecognized and unappreciated. But, reflect for a moment what a miracle it is. There is an essence to us that is forever present and unchanging. What we are aware of is constantly changing, but that which is aware is not. Without our awareness we are nothing but biological automatons, robots. With it we are suddenly human and spiritual. We would not be able to be grateful or enjoy Thanksgiving without it. So, do not forget on Thanksgiving to be grateful for this wonder that forms the essence of what we are.

 

There is a very subtle kind of gratefulness that we should also adopt. It’s what the great sage Thich Nhat Hahn calls our “non-toothache.” He points out that if we had a toothache we would be thinking how grateful we’d be if it ended. But once it does, we take it for granted. We need to be thankful not only for what we have but also for many things that we don’t. The health of our bodies is taken for granted, but we should be intensely grateful for our non-disease. We may not be happy in our job, but if we didn’t have one we’d think how grateful we’d be to find one. We may be unhappy for the police officer who gave us a speeding ticket. But, we don’t recognize that our safety on the roads depends upon enforcement of the laws. We should be thankful for our non-accident. We are so fortunate in so many ways that we take for granted like our “non-toothache”. But, at Thanksgiving it is good to reflect upon all of these unnoticed blessings.

 

Finally, it is illuminating to reflect on whether you’re a source of thanksgiving for others. Specifically, what have you done that would make someone grateful to you. In other words, what have you given. This is important as it is not always what we have or what we get that’s important but what we share, what we do for others, and what we give. This is often the source of genuine happiness. The things that we have are never satisfying in a lasting way, but the things that we give forever bring joy. So, ask yourself on Thanksgiving, have you truly and sincerely given to others without expecting something in return?

 

It is very useful to reflect upon all of these things at Thanksgiving. The modern world, with its emphasis on self-sufficiency and individuality, produces feelings of independence and isolation. But these thanksgiving reflections soon reveal that this is an illusion. We are inextricably connected to the entire fabric of the universe, the tapestry of our physical, social, and spiritual existence. There is so much to be grateful for that upon reflection we can see that our sufferings are silly and small by comparison. We should revel in the vast interconnected blessings that make up everything about our world and ourselves. We should celebrate the miracle of life and our awareness of it.

 

So, eat, drink, and be merry on Thanksgiving, enjoy the wonderful celebration, but also invest a few moments in reflecting upon all that we have to be thankful for.

 

He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full, the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
~J.A. Shedd

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are available at the Contemplative Studies Blog http://contemplative-studies.org/wp/

They are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

Happy New Year with Mindfulness

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Happy New Year with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.”  ~G.K. Chesterton

 

At the stroke of midnight on December 31st all over the world revelers ring in the new calendar year with a hearty celebration. It’s a celebration of a relatively arbitrary day that has been designated as the first day of a new calendar year. The celebration of the solstice, 10 days before, at least has astrological meaning as the shortest day of the year. But, January 1 has no such physical meaning. January 1 was designated as the start of the year by Julius Caesar in 45 BC. That date was chosen to honor the Roman God Janus, the god of beginnings, whose two faces allowed him to look back into the past and forward into the future. That symbolism has stuck as the new year’s celebration involves a reflection about the year past and hope for the year to come.

 

Don’t Look Back

 

To some extent this looking back into the past and forward into the future is the antithesis of mindfulness which emphasizes the present moment. Our recollection of the past is, in fact, an illusion. When we look at the past we view it with the distorted lens of memory and the delusions that we have about the self. The memories of what happened during the last year bare only a fleeting resemblance to what actually happened. Recollections tend to be dominated by hazy and distorted memories of emotionally charged events and neglects everyday times of calm and contentment. When we look back we primarily remember the highs and the lows and believe that if we could simply keep repeating the highs and eliminate the lows then we’d be truly happy. This is the trap sometimes known as the hedonic treadmill. We keep seeking the highs and are unhappy when we can’t reproduce them or if we are successful are unhappy to find that we can’t maintain them. Unfortunately, our New Year’s celebration and our resolutions reinforce and amplify these ideas propelling us to even greater unhappiness in the new year.

 

Our view of the past is additionally distorted by the beliefs that we have about ourselves. These self-concepts are mainly incorrect and terribly distorted. Western culture, by its adoration of extraordinary and unrealistic models of perfection, produces and reinforces rampant self-dislike. We can never really attain the societal norm of perfection and this makes us feel horribly deficient. As a result, most westerners don’t like what they are and want to be different. As a consequence, people look back on the events of the year and interpret them through the lens of self-dislike.

 

We remember primarily those events that conform to our beliefs about what we should be, but cannot achieve. This creates a vicious cycle where the low self-esteem and self-worth causes us to remember events that exemplify this self-concept, creating even greater self-dislike. Those rare events that reveal us to be adequate are quickly forgotten. The events of the past year, then, are perceived as evidence to support our harsh view of ourselves. Rather than accurately remembering what actually happened during the year, our recollections are dominated by this distorted reality. So, don’t look back at the past year, rather look carefully and mindfully at yourself. You need to develop self-acceptance, before you can ever hope to have an honest idea of what the past contained.

 

Don’t Look to the Future

 

These distortions also color our thoughts about the upcoming year. We resolve to change ourselves to better conform to our unrealistic beliefs about what we should be. The New year’s resolutions that are such a common part of our new year’s celebration are a direct outgrowth of our self-dislike. The problem with these new year’s resolutions is that they are a declaration that we’re not happy with ourselves or the way things are. We want to be different. That’s not bad unto itself. Striving to better oneself is a good thing. The problem is that what we desire for ourselves is usually totally unrealistic as it’s based on a distorted reality. But, we strongly believe that this is what we need to be happy. It’s all a delusion that’s doomed to failure. In fact, research has suggested that only 8% of these resolutions are ever achieved.

 

Better New Year’s Resolutions

 

We need to craft a new set of resolutions, based upon self-acceptance, and a realistic view about what needs to be and can be achieved. The resolutions should be to better see things, including ourselves as they really are. To look at the world and ourselves mindfully without judgment, just as we are. These are the kinds of resolutions that can really work towards, not making us happy, but letting us be happy in the coming year; to simply experience the happiness that has been within us all along.

 

There are some rules of thumb about these resolutions. Don’t be too grandiose. Don’t set goals of perfection. Small steps with a recognition that you won’t always be successful are recommended. Make a resolution to practice mindfulness. Pick a practice that you not only can do, but that you can comfortably sustain. The only one perfect right practice is the one that you’ll do and keep doing. It may be meditation, yoga, body scan, tai chi or qigong, contemplative prayer, or another of the many available practices or some combination of practices. The only thing that matters is that you’re drawn to it, comfortable doing it, and you’ll stick with it. Once you start, don’t try too hard. Remember the Buddha recommended the middle way, with right effort, not too much and not too little. Practice nonjudgmentally. Don’t judge whether you’re doing it right or wrong, whether the particular practice was good or bad, or whether you’re making progress or not. Just practice. Just relax and let the practice do you. You don’t need to do it.

 

Focus on Now

 

All of these various practices promote nonjudgmental attention to what is occurring in the present moment, the now. Slowly you come to realize that the now is the only time available where you can be satisfied and happy. The past are only nows that are gone and the future are only nows that have yet to happen. So, focus on the present moment. It’s where life happens. If you can learn to be happy right now, then you’ll be able to happy in the future when it becomes now. As you look calmly, nonjudgmentally, and deeply at what is happening right now you begin to see the beauty and wonder that is there all of the time. You just need to stop ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Learn to enjoy the moment.

 

Focusing on the present moment the impermanence of all things becomes evident. In the present we can observe things rising up and then falling away. Change is constant. If things are bad at the moment, you can be sure that it’ll change. So, be patient. On the other hand, if things are good, know also that this will change too. Don’t try to hang onto what is present. Learn to enjoy the moment as it is. These observations reveal that every moment is new. It has never happened before and it will never happen again. Every moment is a new opportunity. Don’t worry about it passing. The next moment will again provide a new opportunity. Make the most of it. If you can learn to do this, you’ll enjoy life to its fullest, as the dynamically changing perpetual now.

 

Renewal

 

In the new year, we need to not think about a “happy new year.” Rather think about a “happy new day.” In fact, it’s best to think about each “happy new moment.” Focus on the present moment and wish yourself and everyone else a “happy new moment.” Every moment is a unique opportunity to experience life as it is, appreciate its wonder, and enjoy it while it’s here, in the present moment. Each moment is an opportunity for renewal. If we’re not happy in the moment, we can be in the next. We have a new opportunity every new moment. If we pay attention to them, we can use the opportunity to create happiness.

 

So, have a “happy new moment” with mindfulness.

 

“Empty your glass and feel your way through this New Year. If it feeds your soul, do it. If it makes you want to get out of bed in the morning with a smile, carry on. Be present and let your energy synchronise with the earth and give you the clarity to move forward and be comfortable and contented with who you are. Let your intuition guide you through a wonderful year and attract an abundance of positive opportunity.” – Alfred James

 

“Many of us are thinking about new year’s resolutions and taking stock at this time, but how many of those typical resolutions are just ‘self’ improvement projects (which means we’re trying to get more, be more or have more) rather than ways to actually embrace the life we already have right here and now?” – Mrs. Mindfulness

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts

 

Enhance Enjoyment of the Holidays with Mindfulness

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Enhance Enjoyment of the Holidays with Mindfulness

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“Many Americans celebrate both Christmas and Xmas. Others celebrate one or the other. And some of us celebrate holidays that, although unconnected with the [winter] solstice, occur near it: Ramadan, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.” – John Silber:

 

The end of December marks transitions. It marks the new year, transition from 2017 to 2018. It’s also the time of the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, transitioning from shortening days to lengthening days. Since the beginning of recorded history, the solstice has been a time of celebration and merriment. For most of that time it was an extremely popular pagan celebration. The Christians tried to suppress it, but were unsuccessful. So, instead they coopted it, turning it into a celebration of Jesus’ birth. There are no records of the actual date of Jesus’ birth, so any day could be chosen, and the time of the pagan solstice celebration was perfect. There are still many remnants of that pagan celebration carried into the Christmas celebration, including the tree, wreaths, mistletoe, holly, and even the name yule, the yule log, and the use of the word “jolly”.

 

Regardless of the purported reason, the end of December is a time of celebration. We now look on it as a time for giving, but the gifts are a relatively new addition that has been enthusiastically promoted by merchants. Should we be jaundiced about the celebration because of it’s confusing history, its crass commercialism, and varied religious meanings or should we participate with enthusiasm? Mindfulness tells us not to judge, just to experience what life has to offer in the moment. The holiday season has much to offer us. So, mindfulness would suggest that we don’t judge or criticize but engage mindfully in whatever way is appropriate for us.

 

Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to our family and friends at any time but especially during the holidays is our presence, not just our physical presence but our mindful attentive presence. We give to them when we deeply listen. So many conversations are superficial. So, engaging deeply with others is a special gift. It involves employing an underused skill of true listening with full attention to another, not listening on the surface while composing the next communication, but just listening with mindfulness. We in effect give to them our most precious gift, our fully engaged selves. We may be surprised by what we now hear that we may have been missing for years, and what reactions occur. Just know that you’re giving what most people need most, to feel listened to, respected, valued and cared about.

 

The holidays are a time to focus on children. Here, also, mindfulness can improve the experience. If we mindfully observe and truly listen, we can see that what children desire most is our attention and love. Presents of toys and gadgets are opened with enthusiasm and glee. But the joy is short-lived. As with most things the happiness produced is fleeting. But, if you engage with the child, playing and giving your full attention to him/her the happiness is much more enduring. Doing this mindfully, without expectations or judgment will bring a joy and happiness to you that will also be enduring. Don’t engage with the child for personal gain, but enjoy the gain when it happens.

 

The holidays are also a time of revelry, with abundant parties and celebrations at work, with friends, and with family. Once again, engaging mindfully can improve the experience and help prevent excess. Being mindful can help us keep alcohol intake under control. By being aware of our state in the present moment we are better able to know when we reached our limit and especially, to know when to refrain from driving. Mindful eating can also help us enjoy all of the wonderful foods presented during the holidays while being aware of our actual physical state. It can help us to eat slowly, savoring the exquisite flavors, without overindulging. Engage socially mindfully without judging and you’ll enjoy the interactions all the more.

 

Mindfulness can also help with holiday depression. Because of the high expectations of what the holidays should be like in contrast to the experienced reality, many people get depressed. It is the time of the highest suicide rates of the year. Mindfulness is known to combat depression in ourselves. But, for the holidays we could use our mindfulness skills, particularly listening, to help vulnerable people deal with the holidays. Our compassion and loving kindness can go a long way toward helping people overcome negative mood states. Just a genuine smile can sometimes be a great mood enhancer. Mindfully give of yourself, without expectation of getting anything back. You’ll be amazed at how much good it does for others and at the benefit you will receive.

 

Finally, the underlying theme of the holidays is transformation and renewal. Just as the slow decent into the short days of winter ends the slow ascent to the long days of summer begins. We can use this time to begin to transform and renew ourselves. New year’s resolutions are a common tradition in this regard but few are entered into with sufficient dedication and energy to actually carry them out. We should use this holiday season to reflect mindfully on our own lives, looking deeply at what will truly help us to thrive physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually in the coming year. Then set realistic goals and concrete plans to fulfill them. A good one that can help to lead us to a more fulfilling life is to simply make a commitment to be more mindful in the coming year. This should include a plan for engaging in regular practice and working to transfer mindfulness skills obtained outside of the practice. But, be realistic as to what can actually be accomplished and then set a firm concrete plan to achieve it.

 

So, enhance the enjoyment of the holidays with mindfulness.

 

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” – Neil Gaiman

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts and on Twitter @MindfulResearch

 

Mindfully Politically Correct During the Holidays

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Mindfully Politically Correct During the Holidays

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

“po·lit·i·cal cor·rect·ness

noun

  1. the avoidance, often considered as taken to extremes, of forms of expression or action that are perceived to exclude, marginalize, or insult groups of people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against.”

 

In the U.S. there are a large number of people who assert that there’s currently a war on Christmas. This has been brought about by a movement to use faith neutral terms for greetings and well wishes during the end of December season. So, rather than say “Merry Christmas” they say “Happy Holidays.” The accusation is that this is political correctness gone awry. It removes the meaning from Christmas and is an assault on religious freedom. In a broader sense, it’s an accusation that political correctness in general is distasteful and demeans the culture and damages freedom of speech and religion.

 

There is a meme used on the internet and on bumper stickers that “Jesus, is the reason for the season. But that is only true for Christians. In fact, the season’s celebration has a long history. The end of December is the time of the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, transitioning from shortening days to lengthening days. Since the beginning of recorded history, the solstice has been a time of celebration and merriment. For most of that time it was an extremely popular pagan celebration. The Christians tried to suppress it but, because of its popularity, were unsuccessful. So, instead they coopted it, turning it into a celebration of Jesus’ birth. There are no records of the actual date of Jesus’ birth, so any day could be chosen, and the time of the pagan solstice celebration was perfect. The so-called Christmas celebration actually maintains many remnants of the pagan celebration, including the tree, wreaths, mistletoe, holly, the name yule, the yule log, and even the use of the word “jolly”.

 

So, what is the correct designation for the time of year. That depends upon your perspective. If you’re Christian, then Christmas is the appropriate term; if you’re pagan, then Yule is it; if you’re Jewish then it’s Hanukkah; if you’re Buddhist then it’s Bodhi Day; if your Muslim it’s Id al-Adha (the Day of Sacrifice); if you’re Native American it’s Soyal; if you’re Japanese it’s Omisoka; and if you’re African it’s Kwanza. So, what is the correct term. Well, obviously, it depends on who you’re talking to. But in every case late December is a time for a holiday. So, wishing someone “Happy Holidays” will almost inevitably get it right no matter who you’re addressing. But, if you know the individual’s holiday of choice then the specific wish is appropriate. If they’re Christian then a “Merry Christmas” is called; if Jewish “Happy Hanukkah”; etc.

 

Applying mindfulness to this discussion we can look to the fundamental teaching of the Buddha of “Right Action.” He taught that an action, of itself, is neither good nor bad, rather that the rightness or the wrongness of an action is determined by its effects. If the action produces greater harmony, happiness, wisdom, and well-being, and relieves suffering then it is considered good. If, on the other hand, it produces disharmony, unhappiness, confusion, unhealthfulness, and creates suffering then it’s considered bad. That is the sole test, the effects of the action.

 

We can put this test to being politically correct. If we carefully and mindfully observe the effects of saying “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah,” etc. we’ll likely observe a positive response from most people. But, there will be a few people who will be upset and show a negative response. So, for the most part greeting someone with “Happy Holidays” will increase harmony and happiness for the largest proportion of people. But, we can do better if we apply mindfulness to this situation and discern the nature of the individual before making the statement. This requires deep listening; a skill that is generally weak. In a conversation, most people are not really paying close attention to what the other people are saying. Rather, they are thinking about what they will say next and listening for a point where they can jump in and say it. But to discern the nature of the individual, it is necessary that they be listened deeply with full attention.

 

If mindfulness and deep listening reveals that the individual is Christian or Jewish, etc., then a statement of “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah,” etc. would be good and increase harmony and happiness. It doesn’t demean your religious preference by recognizing the holiday celebrated by the other. It simply extends a wish for them to enjoy the holiday they celebrate. It would be bad to be stubborn and mindlessly stick to political correctness when it is clear that this would not be appropriate for the individual being greeted. It’s not always easy to correctly judge the individual and lacking a clear discernment it would be best to simply use “Happy Holidays.” In fact, not knowing who will be reading this essay, I’d be best advised to only use “Happy Holidays.” Keep in mind that perfection is not necessary, only that “Right Effort” is applied and the individual tries to do the best they can.

 

This argument applies also to political correctness in general. It requires mindfulness. It requires non-judgmental awareness of the circumstances, exactly who is present, and what are their characteristics. In fact, we do this all the time in social interactions. As a simple example, we discern the gender of the person in order to use the appropriate pronouns in conversation. But the sensitivity of some people to political correctness requires greater sensitivity and discernment than usual.

 

It needs to be kept in mind that conversations are not contests, with winners and losers. The goal is not to convince the other of your point of view, dominate the other, or win the discussion. There isn’t a war on anything. The mindful perspective is that the ultimate purpose is to increase harmony, happiness, wisdom, and well-being, and relieve suffering. Let this simple test guide the conversation, mindfully pay attention looking at the effects of the language being used, and in a very small way make the world a better place.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

“I had to live through controversies like the notion that I was trying to kill Christmas. Well, where’d that come from? Well, I bet he said happy holidays instead of merry Christmas. So, that must be evidence of him either not being a Christian or not caring about Christmas. . . . my advice to all of us as citizens is to be able to distinguish between being courteous and being thoughtful and thinking about how words affect other people and not demonizing others versus having legitimate political debates and disagreements.” – Barak Obama

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

This and other Contemplative Studies posts are a also available on Google+ https://plus.google.com/106784388191201299496/posts

 

Mindful Labor Day

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Image result for labor day pictures

Mindful Labor Day

 

By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

 “Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold.  But other times it’s essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow.”  ~ Douglas Pagels

 

Labor Day is a National Holiday in the United States. It was designed to celebrate the accomplishments of the American worker, particularly organized labor. It is important to celebrate this holiday mindfully. Work is a major component of our lives, it dictates our income, contributes to our social lives, and for many people is an essential part of their self-concept and their self-worth. But rather than using the holiday to reflect on this important part of their lives, most people treat Labor Day mindlessly, as a time to vacation and party. Perhaps, though, it’s important to take at least a little time on this holiday to mindfully reflect on work.

 

To understand the importance of work we need only look at the Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path. Two of the eight components are Right Actions and Right Livelihood. But, Right Livelihood is itself an action and it would seem that Right Livelihood should be contained in Right Actions and not a separate component. But, the Buddha included Right Livelihood as a separate component to underscore its importance for spiritual development. It’s his way of emphasizing that what one does for a living is an extremely important action. The Buddha taught that it was essential for spiritual development to only engage in work that produces greater happiness, wisdom, and well-being, and relieves suffering in ourselves and others and avoid jobs that produce harm.

 

We should take a mindful look at our occupations on Labor Day and ask whether they promote greater happiness, wisdom, and well-being, and relieves suffering or produces harm. In some case, the fact that it is Right Livelihood is obvious as with professions such as physician, social worker, peace negotiator, relief worker, therapist, etc. On the other hand, professions such as drug dealer, arms merchant, professional criminal, etc. are clearly not. But for most occupations it is much more difficult to discern whether or not they constitute Right Livelihood. This is a point for deep, mindful, exploration for Labor Day.

 

Working on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico produces a product, energy, that is needed for the well-being of virtually everyone. Without affordable energy, every aspect of the economy would collapse. So, working on the oil rig could be seen as promoting well-being and relieving suffering. On the other hand, there is potential for great environmental harm, including oil spills that directly pollute sensitive environments, or contributing to carbon dioxide emissions that can indirectly create great harm by contributing to global warming. So should someone on the eightfold path accept or reject a job working on an oil rig? The answer cannot be given by anyone other than the individual themselves. It is imperative that this be looked at deeply and objectively to determine for themselves if they are doing more harm than good. The primary spiritual impact of Right Livelihood is on the individual engaging in the occupation. So, the decision has to be theirs. That is not to say that experts or friends can’t or shouldn’t be consulted, but that ultimately the individual must decide for themselves and be willing to accept the potential consequences. Needless to say, this should be a focus for deep mindful reflection on Labor Day.

 

The labor movement itself has important consequences for ourselves and others and should also be explored mindfully on Labor Day. It grew out of great labor abuses that existed where unscrupulous employers took advantage of workers, demanding much and paying little. This is an example how great harm can be produced when the wealthy and powerful, as a result of greed, do not practice Right Livelihood. The Buddha taught that there was nothing wrong with being successful and accumulating wealth provided that this was done ethically and honestly, and it promoted the overall well-being of the community. But, for a time, this was not the case. This underscores how the notion of Right Livelihood doesn’t only apply to workers, but also to employers, financiers, Wall Street executives, politicians, etc.

 

The labor movement arose to counteract the rampant abuses of workers. By organizing the workers obtained strength in numbers. This allowed them to stand up to employers and demand better pay and working conditions. It truly exemplifies our interdependence. We are not alone, but rather, are intricately connected to everyone else. This is true for work in general. It is a productive point for mindful contemplation of how our work and in fact, our entire lives are connected to the work of others. If we’re a truck driver we’re totally dependent upon the people who make the trucks, produce the fuel, build the roads, insures, maintains, and repairs the vehicles, makes and enforces the laws governing the roadways, etc. But, we are also dependent upon the work or those who produce our food, make our clothes, build our houses, educate our children, defend and protect us, etc. Our work is interdependent with the work of everyone else. This is an important point for reflection on Labor Day.

 

I recently received an award for my work career. It was a wonderful boost for my ego and made me feel very good about myself. But, with a little mindful reflection, I realized that this was not my award solely. It could never have been achieved without the involvement of a vast array of people, colleagues, students, friends, family superiors, workers, direct reports, police, government, etc. and all of the people who they are dependent upon, and so forth. It couldn’t have been achieved without virtually everyone. It was really an award for a cooperative effort. This kind of thinking made me humble. It made me know that it was not about “I.” Rather, it’s about “we.” Mindful reflection about our work can help us to see the interconnectedness we have with every other living thing.

 

A major issue for Labor Day reflection is what happens in the course of our daily work. We can learn much about ourselves by mindfully examining what transpires at work. What happens can bring us great joy or great suffering, but most of the time, it just provides momentary satisfaction or dissatisfaction. It is the smaller moments that compose the majority of our work lives but they are crucial to our happiness or unhappiness at work. Applying mindfulness and reflection to how we react and our thoughts regarding the events at work, we can gain great insight into the workings of our minds and how they can produce unsatisfactoriness and unhappiness.

 

The fact that your boss failed to mention that your performance was very good that day may make you feel unappreciated at work. But, it is likely that your boss was preoccupied with her own problems. But, looking carefully at your thought process you can begin to see how your response was based on the needs of your own ego. Many people’s feelings of self-worth, or self-hatred for that matter, are built around their work. Not being recognized by a superior may threaten a fragile self-image and produce discomfort and resentment. Work is actually a wonderful opportunity to learn about yourself.

 

You may observe a coworker engaged in petty theft and not report it. Looking deeply at this event you may be able to see that you have a strong need to be liked and you feel that reporting the unethical behavior may cause others to dislike you or see you as a threat. In this case your need for social acceptance causes you to compromise your integrity. The fact that social approval was more important to you than ethics can be a revelation regarding your inner psychological landscape. Once again, work can teach you a lot.

 

There are actually many many events that happen at work every day, small and large, that reveal the workings of your mind and emotions. Applying mindfulness, noticing and being aware of your reactions and actions at work can change your ideas about yourself and change your actions at work and these can lead to greater understanding and acceptance. This, in turn, can lead to greater satisfaction and happiness. Mindfulness is a key. If you are not in the present moment, if you are not paying attention but rather reacting without thinking or noticing, if your mind is wandering and off task, then this splendid opportunity will be lost. So, vow to be mindful at work and become better and happier with the way you make your living.

 

So, on this Labor Day, vow to be mindful and take advantage of the opportunities provided at work to learn about yourself. Grow as a person and grow spiritually by making every work day a mindful work day.

 

“When people say, “This is the way to do it,” that’s not true. There are always many ways, and the way you choose should depend on the current context. You can’t solve today’s problems with yesterday’s solutions. So when someone says, “Learn this so it’s second nature,” let a bell go off in your head, because that means mindlessness. The rules you were given were the rules that worked for the person who created them, and the more different you are from that person, the worse they’re going to work for you. When you’re mindful, rules, routines, and goals guide you; they don’t govern you.” – Ellen Langer

 

CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

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