What’s Wrong with Meditation 1 – Expectations
By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.
“When you meditate, whether you know it or not, you unconsciously setup expectations or conditions. This starts off simple enough. You expect to relax, you expect to release tension from your muscles or core, you expect to find some relief from your day-to-day concerns etc. These expectations, although they may be subconscious and we aren’t aware of them, they are there and often feed the babbler. More so, they greatly limit the depth of meditation you will experience. For the novice, it can make the difference of finding yourself frustrated half way through your meditation because you are dissatisfied that you are not relaxing as much as you had hoped or expected. So by default your session has ended or ironically created more frustration and self-disappointment.” – Eric Pepin
How many time have I heard people say, “I tried meditation, but I can’t do it,” or “I tried meditation, but it scared me,” or “I stopped meditating since it didn’t seem to be going anywhere,” or “It’s against my religion to engage in a heathen practice.” These statements are reflective of the large numbers of people who could benefit from meditation but refuse to try it, abandon the practice, or feel that they failed at the practice and abandoned it. All of these statements reflect the prevailing misconceptions and misunderstandings about meditation.
I believe that there are three essential problems with the way meditation has been presented in the west that have produced problems, misconceptions, and misunderstandings. First, meditation has been presented in a way that has evoked beliefs, ideas, and images that are overly idealized and not reflective of the typical experiences of meditation practice. Secondly, immediately jumping into meditation practice has been encouraged, without the provision for proper background information, study, or instruction. Lastly, the jargon used to describe the process, experiences, obstacles, and results is extreme, evoking images and expectations that far exceed normal experience.
These three problems set up expectations about what the meditator is supposed do and what should be experienced. Unfortunately, that is simply not what actually occurs. As a result, new practitioners quickly give up the practice as they find that they can’t meditate like their image of what meditation should be, they get overwhelmed by the unexpected and powerful psychological issues that arise, sometime precipitating negative consequences, or they are thoroughly disappointed as they discover the promised benefits are subtler than they were led to believe. I’ll admit it, that I was a victim of inaccurate expectations and I’d be willing to bet that at the beginning of a meditation practice most westerners also have them.
The media, including print, video, books, and the internet have presented idealized images of meditation, including blissfully meditating people in serene settings. They are presented on the seashore, on mountain tops, at waterfalls, in gorgeous temples, in meditation groups populated by extremely attractive young people, and even floating in the clouds. Just do a google search on meditation pictures and this is what you’ll find. These can be wonderful settings, except perhaps clouds, but are not the usual or even common setting where meditation occurs. Meditation not only doesn’t require this it actually distorts reality. For example, the meditation hall in one of the first meditation centers in the U.S., the San Francisco Zen Center, is located at street level on a noisy, busy city street.
Establishing a relatively quiet place to meditate is helpful, but meditation can occur virtually anywhere. I frequently meditate while sitting at the gate at an airport waiting for my flight to board, while in flight, or in a car when I’m a passenger on a long trip. When the weathers nice I like to meditate in my back yard, with the breeze blowing, with noise from traffic barking dogs, and planes passing overhead prevalent. In fact, I find meditation in real-world settings to be particularly beneficial. After all, meditation is useful only to the extent that it transfers to the real world. If meditation only produced effects that only occurred in a quiet room, it wouldn’t be very useful. For meditation effects to transfer to real life, what psychologists call generalization, then the more similar the meditation environment is to the real world, the better. It can be difficult to meditate with all the hubbub and distraction of the real world, but you can learn more, practicing observing without judgment when there’s lots present that you normally judge.
The media also presents images of meditating people in perfect lotus posture, with serene, peaceful, and blissful expressions. But, meditation is rarely blissful. It’s wonderful when it is. But, this is the rare exception, not the rule. For that matter it’s rarely peaceful and serene. Once again, it’s great on the rare occasions when it is, but this is not the usual experience. Meditation is often chaotic, sometimes stressful, sometimes troubling, but, if you take an open attitude, it’s always beneficial. That is not to say that meditation does not bring serenity, happiness, and occasional bliss. It does. But, not at first and not with every meditation. These states grow over time. I had people commenting about how I’d changed before I even realized it myself. Be patient. It will happen.
Also, very few meditators can comfortably maintain a lotus position. Most find that they are better off sitting in a chair, kneeling with a bench, sitting with a back-jack, or with their feet up in a recliner. We’re taught that getting too comfortable promotes sleepiness and therefore erect sitting postures on a mat are preferred. What is not taught is how excruciating painful these postures can be and how pain is not conducive to meditation. The truth is, each individual needs to experiment to find what works best for them and discard the media’s image of what should be. Meditation is best when the individual is alert but comfortable. Every individual needs to find the position and posture that produces this state of alert comfort best for them.
One of the most frequent misunderstandings is that meditation produces a quiet mind. This is generally what is taught and expected with meditation. It’s true with continued practice the mind does settle down and occasionally becomes quiet. But, again, this is not the typical experience, particularly for new meditators. I have frequently asked groups of people who are not practiced meditators to simply try to close their eyes and count breaths while concentrating on their breathing for two minutes. They are often astounded to find that they can’t do this. Within a brief time after beginning their minds wander. I point out to them that they were unable to control their mind even for two minutes. It’s important that the beginning meditator should take note that they can’t control their mind and reflect upon the fact that their notions of control are delusions. They are not in control at all. This is eye opening. It is rarely taught to the beginning meditator, but is perhaps the most important teaching of all before entering into a meditation practice. You can learn from looking at what the mind does rather than trying to quiet it and getting frustrated. You can learn a great deal from the so called “monkey mind.” Fighting it is doomed to failure. Instead watch it and learn. Learn that you are not your mind!
It is important that we teach the realities of meditation rather than the ideal. Beginning meditators need to be instructed not to expect to be able to control their minds, but to relax, learn from the internal chaos, don’t fight it and don’t invite it in, just observe it. Don’t worry about perfect posture and position. Explore what works best that produces a state of sustainable alert comfort. Don’t only meditate in quiet comfortable surroundings. Rather, meditate where you are when reflective time is available. It doesn’t have to be for a fixed period of time. Again, experiment and find what works and don’t be afraid to change it. Think of meditation practice as an experiment with one participant. See how it goes, keep what works, and change what doesn’t. Finally, leave expectation at the door. See for yourself. Be open. Let it flow. The benefits will come but only when you stop trying to make them happen.
“‘It is hard to have a balanced view when the media is full of articles attesting to the benefits of meditation and mindfulness. We need to be aware that reports of benefits are often inflated … whereas studies that do not discover significant benefits rarely pick up media interest, and negative effects are seldom talked about.” – Catherine Wikholm
CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies
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