Mindful Birthday
By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.
“I had always thought a birthday was a day for me, but I believe it’s a day for everyone that is around me. It is a day where everyone shows you love; it’s a day where people want to make you happy. It is a day where smiles and laughter are ubiquitous. My special day brings out the very best in others.” – Anand
Birthdays are a special time, one day a year set aside to celebrate the existence of a particular person. It is fairly arbitrary day other than the person was born on a day when the Earth was at the same point in its orbit of the sun. It’s also fairly arbitrary as it is a single point in an ongoing developmental sequence ranging from conception to death; the point of emergence from the mother’s womb. So, it should be seen simply as an annual remembrance and celebration of the individual’s life and growth. As such, it is a worthwhile yearly reflection on life’s continuous changes, as Thich Nhat Hahn likes to say “Happy Continuation Day.”
The celebration of a birthday can be special. It’s a time when the individual is recognized by other humans, particularly family and friends. Expressions of love and caring that may be unspoken the rest of the year come out into the open. It’s an opportunity to revel in this recognition, caring, and connection. It is best to do so mindfully; to be sensitive and aware of each present moment, to look deeply at the feelings of the moment, and to listen carefully to everyone involved, hearing not only what is said but the nonverbal expressions. These are usually positive but sometimes they’re negative, but regardless should simply be experienced mindfully without judgement.
It is important to be mindful to experience the joy and happiness of the day. It should be fully experienced looking mindfully at the internal feelings and sensations that constitute this joy. But, it needs to be recognized that this, like everything, is impermanent and will briefly arise and fall away. It should not be clung to and attempted to be held onto. That is a prescription for unsatisfactoriness and unhappiness. It should be simply enjoyed as it is when it is present, appreciating the gift of the moment and having no regrets when it vanishes. That is the truly mindful way, that leads to satisfaction with life as it is.
So, enjoy your special day. If you focus on appreciating and savoring, but not clinging to, the happy moments in life your entire life will become happier. Enjoying them fully, mindfully, reinforces and strengthens these feelings making them more likely to reappear in the future. Similarly, letting go of regret that the good feelings have gone away and any negative emotions occurring makes them less likely to reappear. It’s simply watering the seeds of happiness so they’ll grow and flourish and allowing negatives to wither. Birthdays are opportunities to do just that.
If we reflect, though, it will become apparent that we are constantly being reborn. In fact, every moment we a reborn anew, different than we were, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In fact, awakening in the morning each day is a daily reminder of rebirth. This rebirth is subtle, though, and hard to detect on a moment to moment basis. That is one reason that the birthday celebration is so important. A year passing produces highly detectable changes in our bodies, our minds, and our life situations, greatly emphasizing this continual rebirth. Looking at it mindfully and carefully we can see the impermanence of everything, including ourselves. Some things have gone away, some new things have entered, and the rest has changed to some degree or another. This can lead to and appreciation, wonder, and celebration of the ongoing, ever changing, experience of life. What a wonderful opportunity to see ourselves and life as it truly is.
Birthdays are also wonderful times for mindful deep reflections on what has happened to us over the year and what was responsible for it. If we look deeply, we can readily see how much has happened and how interconnected we are to others. Our experiences were not produced by ourselves alone but were contributed to in very fundamental ways by a vast array of people, people close to us and only remotely connected. The individual may have a significant achievement or event during the year; a graduation, a promotion, a marriage, a birth of a child. A little mindful reflection will show how this occurred as a result of the confluence of efforts by a large number of others, our teachers and support group, our coworkers and family, our spouse and their family, in fact, our entire society and those who have gone before. Mindfulness can reveal that nothing occurs in isolation, but rather is the result of an almost infinite matrix of interconnected people and phenomenon. The Birthday is an excellent opportunity to reflect upon and deeply understand this truth of the interdependence of our existences.
We can equally benefit from celebrating the birthdays of others. Mindfully reveling in, sensing, and appreciating the good feelings we have toward them is another chance to experience the joys in life. Sensing the love in ourselves toward another is best done mindfully, observing the internal feelings and sensations that constitute this love. Enjoying the feelings of love for another makes it more likely that we’ll express love toward others, increasing the love in the world and our own personal happiness. Seeing the changes in them over the years is another lesson in impermanence. We are not the only one constantly changing and being reborn. It’s happening to everyone. Seeing this helps us to understand in an unvarnished experiential way the true nature of existence.
Birthdays are an opportunity to grow, understand, and become happier. Take advantage of that opportunity. But, do so mindfully. Have a mindful Happy Birthday.
“You also were inside before you were outside. That means that before you were born, you already existed—inside your mother. The fact is that if something is already there, it does not need to be born. To be born means from nothing you become something. If you are already something, what is the use of being born? So, your so-called birthday is really your continuation day. The next time you celebrate, you can say, “Happy Continuation Day.” – Thich Nhat Hahn
“Chogyam Trungpa always had everyone sing “Cheerful Birthday,” not “Happy Birthday,” saying that Happiness was a state of mind that had Sadness or Unhappiness on its flip side. Cheerfulness, he said, better described a fundamental way or attitude of being. So, growing up in the Buddhist tradition, we always sang Cheerful Birthday to you… .” – Waylon Lewis
CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies
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