By John M. de Castro, Ph.D.

 

 “City life is stressful. Everybody is running around like crazy, stuck in traffic jams trying to make meetings, trying to make ends meet, trying to meet deadlines, trying to get kids to and from activities. There aren’t enough hours in the day for all this business.” – Rebecca Pidgeon
Modern life is stressful and busy. We move through the day from task to task. A successful day is defined as one where the day’s to-do list has been virtually completed. This busyness usually occurs mindlessly. That’s not to say that the mind isn’t engaged. In fact, it’s fully engaged in thoughts and plans, and memories and ruminations. But often when engaged in one task the mind is occupied with thoughts of completing it so that we can move on to the next one. In the process we do not fully appreciate what we’re doing at the moment. This strategy is effective in accomplishing an agenda. But, it produces a very big problem, we’re so busy doing we neglect being.

 

Although much is accomplished, we never really enjoy the accomplishing, only the accomplishment. We have ignored the most important thing in life; awareness of the present moment. We can only fully experience life in the present moment. We can only revel in the wonder of our existence in the present moment. We can only be truly happy in the present moment. It’s impossible to negotiate the modern world without being lost in thought frequently. The problem is that we spend the entire day in that state.

 

Thus the modern world occupies us totally. Only occasionally do we have a quiet moment to reflect on what’s really happening. We’re moving from to-do list to to-do list and our lives are passing by without really living. That realization should be a jolt. We’ve somehow lost perspective and gotten so caught up in the minutia that we now see it as important instead of the trivialities that they are. To truly experience and enjoy our lives and be happy we must find ways to interrupt the mindless thinking and intersperse periods of mindfulness, where we are fully engaged in what is happening in the moment. There are so many signals in the environment to distract us and create endless thinking but there are none to signal mindfulness. In order to promote mindfulness, we need to identify signals in the environment that we can use as triggers for mindfulness.

 

While driving it is important for our safety to pay attention. But, there are occasional signals that are useful as signals for mindfulness. One I particularly like is the red traffic light. I used to encounter a red light and respond with frustration and sometimes anger that I was being delayed. My mind would be full of thoughts about what I might have done to avoid the light or about anger with the other drivers who kept me from making the light or searching for indications that the light was about to change and my torment would soon end. But, in fact there is nothing you can do. So the best strategy is to actually do nothing. I repeat to myself the simple phrase “red means relax.” Don’t do, just relax and do nothing.

 

The red light is in fact a wonderful opportunity to relax, take a deep breath, and allow the accumulated stress of driving to dissipate. It is also a wonderful time just to be mindful and appreciate the present moment. Look around and see the beautiful sky and appreciate the intense blueness and the ever changing landscape of clouds. See the other cars and drivers and marvel at the orderliness of movement produced by traffic control. Note how wonderful red lights actually are in keeping us safe and traffic moving. Look at the light itself and marvel at the color of red, how it registers in our eyes and is viewed in our awareness. Feel the sensations from our bodies, feel the energy, appreciate the health, and marvel at the miracle of life. There is so much waiting for us at red lights, it’s such a shame that we’ve been wasting it for so long.

 

A wonderful part of relaxing to red is that we return to driving with an entirely new attitude. I start viewing other drivers as fellow travelers, not annoyances or competitors. I start appreciating the sensations of driving, something that has been long ignored while we cruise along on “auto-pilot.” You’ll be amazed at the effect of this simple small rest, that cost you nothing, yet earned you so much.

 

The next task is to find other stimuli or events that can be used to trigger mindfulness within the stream of daily life. Meals can be helpful, provided you eat quietly, without media or reading, or looking at Facebook posts on our smartphones. I admit that I’m not very good with this one, but my wife is and it’s transformed her appreciation of food, eating, and the understanding of the interconnectedness of it all.

 

Look for times in your own daily activit1es when it really isn’t necessary that you be focused on a task. Turn off your phones, take a deep breath, relax, and be mindful. An evening walk could become a source of joy and happiness, a coffee break at work could refresh you much more deeply than effectively still working in your head, a shopping trip could be a sensory extravaganza, even an interaction with loved ones could be occasions for deeply listening and just being present for them, transforming your relationships. There are many possibilities. Find one and try it out. If you find that it produces greater joy and happiness in your life, keep doing it, and look for another to add. Keep it up, expanding your times of mindfulness and feel your reintegration into your life.

 

So, stop at red lights and remember “red means relax.”

 

“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” – William S. Burroughs
CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies

 

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