“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” – Daniel Goleman
As we grow and develop throughout our lifetime we need to develop a sense of self that is independent and separate from other people. This is particularly evident in social contexts where individuals and the group pressure the individual to conform or model other people. Self-differentiation involves a process of developing a strong and independent self that can immerse in a group or identify with others if that’s appropriate but which can stake out an independent path, take different stands, and develop a unique individuality.
An aspect of this differentiation is developing independence in emotional expression, allowing emotions to be felt and expressed that are representative of the true feelings of the individual regardless of the social context. These are emotional expressions that are completely aligned with the differentiated individual and are expressions of the true self. Alexithymia is the term used in psychology to describe individuals who suffer great difficulty in emotional expression. This can result in isolation as the individual may avoid close interpersonal relationships.
These processes of self-differentiation are not limited to childhood or adolescence but go on throughout the lifetime. For healthy development the individual must differentiate both in terms of personality but also emotionally. Mindfulness promotes the comprehension of the interdependence of all things, how each individual is connected to everyone else and to other organisms and the environment. But, this does not mean that individuality cannot be developed. Rather the development of full individuality requires understanding the interdependence and interconnections among people and things. This suggests that mindfulness would promote the development of self and emotional differentiation.
In today’s Research News article “Examining Mindfulness and Its Relation to Self-Differentiation and Alexithymia”
Teixeira and Pereira investigated the relationship between mindfulness and self-differentiation and alexithymia in undergraduate college students. They found that high mindfulness was associated with high levels of awareness and acceptance of the present moment. In addition they found that high mindfulness was associated with high self-differentiation, including differentiation of self and others, and low levels of alexithymia including difficulty in identifying and describing feelings.
Hence, Teixeira and Pereira’s study indicates that mindfulness is associated with the development of individuality of self and emotional expression. It is well established that mindfulness promotes emotion regulation (see http://contemplative-studies.org/wp/index.php/2015/09/10/take-command-and-control-of-your-emotions/ and http://contemplative-studies.org/wp/index.php/2015/07/17/rethink-your-emotions/) which improves the individual’s ability to feel emotions yet keep their intensity at manageable levels and respond appropriately to them. But, these results indicate that in addition to improved emotion regulation mindfulness improves the ability to express them regardless of social demands, to be free to express what is being felt and be close to other people.
Mindfulness then appears to be associated with the full development of an individual self that is unique and distinct from others. It is interesting and important that mindfulness is positively associated with this very high level of individual human development. It further suggests that mindfulness is useful in developing independence throughout the lifetime both in terms of the self and in the expression of emotions.
So, be mindful and differentiate self and emotions.
“Mindfulness is about being fully awake in our lives. It is about perceiving the exquisite vividness of each moment. We also gain immediate access to our own powerful inner resources for insight, transformation, and healing.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
CMCS – Center for Mindfulness and Contemplative Studies